Ah, sweet purity! I can write my 100 lines of code with complete control. Only deep machine architecture knowledge is required. Please don’t drop the stack of punch cards.
So close to the machine. I can write my 1000 lines of code with complete control. Only deep machine architecture knowledge is required. Dang, maybe I can write some macros for this repeated code.
I eat strings for breakfast. Write once, read none. The compiler is you. Named parameters lets me write a function that takes 497 arguments. Idioms, idioms, idioms!
Because line numbers makes it easier to understand.
It’s like a super macro assembler. I know exactly what it’s doing and makes my 100k lines of code so clear. malloc() or alloc() and should I cast that pointer? Memory leak, schmemory leak! How many years until we get ANSI C and the C99?
It’s the best and worst of C and OO! Strong typing until our friend C needs a reinterpret_cast<>. Every routine you need including those you don’t are already in the STL. So easy, just don’t forget that virtual destructor. Templates are the Perl of C++ (write once, read none). I can make my 1M lines of code so neat and clear.
Drag-n-drop GUIs and 16-bit delight. It does everything you need but has nothing you want–like useable object orientation.
Braces are for weaklings! It has types….sorta. Life is great in a single thread. I can self-comment the code whenver I don’t want to. Python virtual environments: they work virtually in someone’s dream. I can write 10k lines of code that does the work of 1M and still has the same bugs.
Never heard of it. Every other single language uses “!” to indicate a NOT operator, so we’ll use “~” because we want you to write more syntax errors. Does anyone really know how the garbage collector works?
I came, I went. The Queen is dead, long live the Queen.
Types, darnit! Everything inherits from Object including God. Write once, debug everywhere. Java applets will save the web! [crickets chirping] But, my 1M lines of code is so neat.
We don’t want to share our toys in Java’s playground. We’re leaving!
Go, Rust, D, Elm, Kotlin, Crystal, Elixer, …
OK, maybe this time…